


Kei's ass in those slacks IS an emergency

by LessonsFromMoths



Series: i'm stuck in HQ tumblr hell [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dick Pics, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Drunk Texting, Established Relationship, Fluff, Group chat, Kei's ass might as well be its own character, M/M, Memes, No Smut, OT4, Read at Your Own Risk, Self-Indulgent, Sexy times heavily implied, Slice of Life, Spiders, and then i went and wrote one, chatfic, dead memes, i guess canon-compliant?, i love these idiots, it might be funny, my attempt at humor, ngl it was fun, ok tbh i never liked chatfics, or just dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25731835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LessonsFromMoths/pseuds/LessonsFromMoths
Summary: Keiji almost yearns for the days of one group chat.(I might add more chapters as time goes on, but this will always be marked as completed!!)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: i'm stuck in HQ tumblr hell [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851007
Comments: 35
Kudos: 418





	1. U KNO WHAT I MEME

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Tumblr Prompt: They have had to make multiple GCs - the emergencies only GC, the meme GC, the compliment GC, etc. by Polyshipprompts on tumblr.
> 
> I had to post this now or else it would disappear from my drafts lol. These are all supposed ot be super short, cute blurbs. I hope they bring you joy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo if you send that muppet meme one more time i stg i will fucking end you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use gif and meme interchangeably and at this point i can't even apologize anymore.
> 
> Bokuto: Owl the memes  
> Kuroo: Kool Story Bro  
> Tsukishima: Fuck you guys  
> Akaashi: Meme Lord

**Kool Story Bro:** _[see attachment]_ _[see attachment] [see attachment]_

**Fuck you guys:** kuroo if you send that muppet meme one more time i stg i will fucking end you

**Kool Story Bro:**

**Meme Lord:** Tetsu, play nice

**Kool Story Bro:**

**Meme Lord:**

**Kool Story Bro:**

**Meme Lord:** You in a few months:

**Owl the memes:**

**Owl the memes:**

****

**Kool Story Bro:**

**Meme Lord:**

**Fuck you guys:** i cannot stress enough how much i hate this gc

**Owl the memes:**

**Fuck you guys:** because i like seeing keiji burn your sad asses

 **Fuck you guys:** me watching keiji do his thing: 

**Owl the memes:** OH MY GOD TSUKKI DID THE THING

**Kool Story Bro:**

**Meme Lord:**

**Fuck you guys:** ...

**Kool Story Bro:** U kno, for bein such a lil nerd u sure are a buzzkill. Wouldn't u think that new liungustical patterns like memes would b fascinating?

**Fuck you guys:** first off, you spelled linguistical wrong. secondly, it would be interesting if it wasn't so fucking annoying. languages are only interesting if they have an interesting purpose, and to me "meme culture" holds no interest currently. maybe it will in another decade or so when patterns start to emerge in the conversation.

**Meme Lord:** Go off, sis

**Kool Story Bro:**

****

**Owl the memes:** DEAD MEME ALERT

**Kool Story Bro:** But it was so fitting!! I literally could not stop myself.

**Meme Lord:** You know the rules, Tetsu. Please remove yourself from the chat. You will be able to petition your return in 5 days time.

**Owl the memes:**

**Kool Story Bro:** I've lived a good life with all of you, and I'll miss you terribly. You'll always live in my heart.

**Meme Lord:** And you in ours

_Kool Story Bro has left the chat._

**Owl the memes:** It feels so empty without him here

 **Owl the memes:** So quiet

 **Owl the memes:** I can still feel the presence of his sick meme game

**Fuck you guys:** you all are fucking ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the muppet meme Kuroo wouldn't stop sending is one that I accidentally sent to an acquaintance of mine over 500 times on snapchat (my app started frizzing out and randomly sent him the same gif. 500 times. Luckily he thought it was absolutely hilarious and we became much better friends afterwards. Sadly, due to the sheer embarrassment I felt from the event, I don't remember what muppet gif it was and tragically could not find it again to insert in this fic. Therefore, it is lost forever to the void. Go forth, muppet meme. You served me well.


	2. EMERGENCY!

**Koutarou:** GUYS GUYS IMPORTANT EMERGENCY 110 118 119 CALL THEM ALL

**Keiji:** What’s wrong? Where are you?

**Koutarou:** I’M AT THE HOUSE

**Koutarou:** KEI IS IN A SUIT

**Koutarou:** I REPEAT, KEI IS IN A SUIT

**Keiji:** …

**Kei:** this chat is for emergencies, kou.

**Koutarou:** My heart stopped. The house caught on fire. The shape of Kei’s ass in those slacks made me DROP DEAD

**Tetsurou:** I hate 2 lower myself 2 Bo’s level...

**Kei:** believe me, it’s not a new occurrence

**Tetsurou:** But I have to agree. Tsukki ur shoulders are so broad.

**Tetsurou:** Also, ~rude~

**Kei:** you see me naked on the daily

**Tetsurou:** But Tsukiiiiiii! It’s different when ur dressed all sexy instead of undressed all sexy

**Kei:** ...i really wish i hadn’t read that.

**Keiji:** Reminder? Emergencies? I have my ringer on for this chat for this exact reason. Please stop sending things.

**Koutarou:** Sorry Keiji, last one!

**Koutarou:** 244621527.png

**Tetsurou:** HOT FUCKIN DAMN KEI. CRUSH THAT INTERVIEW BB BUT DONT SEDUCE THE INTERVIEWER TOO MUCH WE’D MISS YOU

**Keiji:** You’d better not seduce the interviewer. You belong to us.

**Tetsurou:** Ooo, Keiji, getting jealous are we?

**Keiji:** The second you get home Kei I’m ripping that suit off you. Crush that interview.

**Kei:** yes, sir.


	3. YOU LOOK HOT TODAY ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsurou: I’M SORRY RANDOM GIRL I PROMISE I WASNT ACTUALLY STARING

**Koutarou:** I have an announcement THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT

 **Koutarou:** KUROO GOT AN A ON THAT P-CHEM EXAM HE STUDIED ALL WEEK FOR!

**Keiji:** That’s amazing Tetsu! Congratulations!

**Kei:** can’t say i’m surprised.

 **Kei:** proud of you, tetsurou.

**Koutarou:** WE HAVE THE SMARTEST BOYFRIEND EVER

**Keiji:** …

 **Keiji:** Tetsurou? You alive?

**Tetsurou:** Sorry, my brain stopped working

 **Tetsurou:** I zoned out and I think I accidentally stared at this one girl for like twenty minutes.

 **Tetsurou:** She sent me a dirty look

 **Tetsurou:** I’M SORRY RANDOM GIRL I PROMISE I WASNT ACTUALLY STARING

 **Tetsurou:** Is anyone still on campus? I need emotional support to walk back to our apartment

**Kei:** look up

**Koutarou:** Holy shit did Tsukki rlly just do that? That’s so hot

**Tetsurou:** It fuckin was oh my god

 **Tetsurou:** 273744789.png

**Keiji:** Iced coffee and all lmao

**Koutarou:** Damn fam just wait one sec I wanna be cool tooooooooooo

**Keiji:** Kou just left the apartment and forgot his phone. If you guys leave now you can meet up with him around that ramen place. Maybe pick us up some dinner? I’ll call

**Tetsurou:** Keiji has the best ideas <3 <3 <3

**Keiji:** I knew you only loved me for my brain

**Tetsurou:** Kou wants me to say “AND YOUR ASS”

**Keiji:** Thanks, Kou. Glad to know that I’m appreciated

**Tetsurou:** ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ~Kou


	4. EMO GANG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsu: What the hell I created this gc don’t ignore meeeeeeeeeee

**Tetsu:** Okay everyone put their thinking caps on we need to figure out what to get Ko for his birthday

**Kei:** why the fuck did you name this chat emo gang?

**Tetsu:** C’mon dude u kno why

**Kei:** ...?

**Keiji:** I’m also confused

**Tetsu:** Because, u kno, I’ve got the emo look

 **Tetsu:** And Kei’s got the emo personality

 **Tetsu:** And Keiji’s got the emo vibe!

 **Tetsu:** Together, we’re the emo holy trinity!!!!!!!!!

 **Tetsu:** Um, guys?

 **Tetsu:** STOP IGNORING ME

 **Tetsu:** I won’t apologize for being right.

**Keiji:** Yeah so Kei I was thinking this:

**Kei:** oh very nice. he'd unfortunately love them. with his face?

**Keiji:** You know it

**Kei:** he'll never shut up about them. they're perfect.

**Tetsu:** What the hell I created this gc don’t ignore meeeeeeeeeee

**Kei:** i also found this:

**Kei:** wait fuck that would get too annoying

 **Kei:** as if it already isnt bad enough that we have to deal with tetsu on a daily basis

 **Kei:** might i amend my entry: 

**Tetsu:** Why are you guys so mean to me :((((

 **Tetsu:** Can we just get him all 3

**Keiji:** I already ordered them

 **Keiji:** Tetsu I’ll make it up to you when we get home tonight

**Tetsu:** Fuck yeah emo gang for the win!! 

**Kei:** keiji did you for sure order all the gifts?

**Keiji:** Ya

**Kei:** great I’m deleting this chat.


	5. HERE'S YOUR ONE NORMAL CHAT KEIJI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei: so much for this being the normal chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on true events

**Kei:** Alright who’s gonna kill that asshole in the bathroom

**Tetsu:** What are u talking abt? An asshole in a bathroom seems normal

 **Tetsu:** I said what I said

**Kou:** Noooo they’re our friend! Don’t kill Terry!!!!

**Keiji:** Kou, I told you not to name it you always get attached

**Kou:** Terry has been nothing but nice to us

**Tetsu:** Who the fuck is Terry

**Kei:** the nonbinary spider that’s been living in our bathroom for the past week

**Tetsu:** I’m sorry WHAT

 **Tetsu:** Why have I not been informed abt this new house guest????

**Kei:** it’s huge. I dont know how you missed it

**Kou:** the correct pronouns are ‘they’

**Kei:** kou, kindly, it’s a fucking spider

**Kou:** ( ⁍᷄⌢̻⁍᷅ )

 **Kou:** Says the human who wants to murder them :(

**Keiji:** Terry’s getting bolder. I found them in the shower this morning on Kou's shampoo bottle

**Kei:** gross

**Keiji:** So, in conclusion, Terry has to go

**Kei:** i vote tetsurou to get rid of it

**Keiji:** Seconded

**Tetsu:** The fuck? Y me?

**Kei:** well first off you need to be punished for your dumb shortened textspeak

 **Kei:** it’s literally not that hard to type out 3-letter words

**Tetsu:** You’re one to talk, mister lowercase

**Kei:** my phone doesn’t automatically capitalize letters fuck off

**Keiji:** But also Tetsu you’re the one who took that entomology class last semester.

**Tetsu:** You take one fuckin bug class and suddenly you’re the designated spider-killer

**Kou:** NO DON’T KILL THEM

**Tetsu:** Calm down Kou I’ll release Terry outside

 **Tetsu:** Spiders are majestic ass creatures that deserve our love and respect for all that they do regarding insect control and environmental aid.

**Kou:** Yessss flex that knowledge babe

 **Kou:** And then have mercy on poor Terry ((´д｀))

**Tetsu:** I can do it rn honestly give me a sec

 **Tetsu:** Where the fuck is this spider

 **Tetsu:** Holy shit how did I not know that this was here all week

 **Tetsu:** It’s fuckin’ huge.

 **Tetsu:** Honestly fuck you guys for leaving me to do this

 **Tetsu:** Oh god it’s staring at me

 **Tetsu:** Fuuuuuuuuck. Fuck you guys so hard.

**Keiji:** Tetsu?

 **Keiji:** It’s been a hot sec, you OK?

**Kei:** he’s just being overdramatic.

**Kou:** Oh no did you kill Terry!?? Are you giving them a proper funeral!? Wait for me to get home!!!!!

**Tetsu:** This is Terry. I have eaten Tetsu. Thank you for the sacrifice.

**Kou:** TERRY NO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

**Keiji:** Oh no, without our head breadwinner whatever will we do? *swoon*

**Kei:** you guys are all idiots

 **Kei:** what happened to spiders being majestic creatures?

 **Kei:** so much for this being the normal chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip to the terry that lived in my bathroom up until yesterday. always in our hearts, no longer in our shower.
> 
> also im currently working on a legit BAKT fic (not just this nonsense) that i'll hopefully be able to post in the next few months. im not sure how hard uni will kick my ass this semester, so i guess we'll see what happens!


	6. SORRY WE KILLED UR NORMAL CHAT KEIJI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsu: Keiji and Ko are gonna have a big surprise waiting for them when they open the chat in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof can you tell i'm procrastinating writing my tsukkiyama fic for next week lol enjoy this randomness
> 
> a tiny bit more nsfw than other chapters, but nothing graphic. drunk puke mention.

**Koutarou:** I LOVE GOYY THEE SO LUCXH OG MY GOFDS YOURE ALK SKKK PERFECT

**Tetsu:** Damn I wish I could’ve made it tonight. Love you too, Ko, drink some water!

**Keiji:** Awwwwwwwww Tetsuuuuuuu

**Tetsu:** Keiji, you drink some water too!

**Keiji:** I am tfe king f watr

**Tetsu:** I’m sure you are, baby  
 **Tetsu:** Kei? How’s it going?

**Kei:** wasn’t feeling interaction so i’m dd. picking them up soon

**Keiji:** ok liek i did maybe 22 shots jsut now i think im invinsible

**Koutarou:** KEIIII WE GEFT TO SEE TOU???

**Tetsu:** Lmk if you need anything, okay?

**Keiji:** I need yotr sweet lofvin 

**Tetsu:** Keiji if you don’t send a video of you drinking water rn I’m gonna ban you from the meme gc

**Keiji:** Meanie :(   
**Keiji:** _[see video]_

**Tetsu:** I’m only rude because I love you!

**Kei:** where are you guys? i tried calling but no one would pick up

**Koutarou:** Awe tsuk I8 are glu hete om im so ezcietd to see hou

**Keiji:** Mett you outside

**Kei:** we made it home tetsu, no need to worry about us 

**Tetsu:** I’m glad. Send updates and cute pics? Gotta build up that blackmail folder.

**Kei:** always (ʃƪ¬‿¬)  
 **Kei:** ok so this is one that will be funny in appx two days but Ko literally just projectile vomited all over the bathroom

**Tetsu:** Ah shit Kei I’m sorry  
 **Tetsu:** I can call someone for you if you need extra hands

**Kei:** nah it’s fine he’s crying and cleaning it up so keiji decided to help him. this is way more entertaining  
 **Kei:** _messy_bois.png_

**Tetsu:** Pffffft idk whether 2 feel bad or amused

**Kei:** amused. otherwise im suffering for nothing  
 **Kei:** keiji says he loves and misses you but is too drunk to type it

**Tetsu:** Awwww tell him I wish i was there to squish his face!!!! I love you three!! I’ll be back soon once this dumb convention is over! 

**Kei:** it is a bit lonely without you

**Tetsu:** Aw Kei (⋈◍＞◡＜◍)。✧♡  
 **Tetsu:** No but it’s actually really nice to hear that.  
 **Tetsu:** I’ve been missing you three a lot.

**Kei:** well dont worry, we’ve been talking about how we’ll reward you once you get back

**Tetsu:** FUCK Kei you know I’m sharing a room w/ my coworker

**Kei:** i would tease you more but currently both keiji and ko are shoving their heads in the same toilet bowl. 

**Tetsu:** Nothing like a good old-fashioned puke fest to kill a boner

**Kei:** _boner_killer.png_

**Tetsu:** Lmfao they’re both going to need major showers before they get into bed

**Kei:** ah fuck you right

**Tetsu:** I am glad I’m not you rn buddy

**Kei:** but dont think this lets you off the hook  
 **Kei:** we’ve all been itching to have a turn at you. five days is too long  
 **Kei:** i can only imagine how lonely it’s been  
 **Kei:** i bet you’ve had to make due with solo shower sessions  
 **Kei:** so here’s something to tide you over, because i know you’ve missed seeing it  
 **Kei:** _boner_maker.png_

**Tetsu:** FUCKING HELL  
 **Tetsu:** FUCK YOU  
 **Tetsu:** I JUST HAD TO VERY OBVIOUSLY LIMP OFF TO THE BATHROOM AND I THINK MY COWORKER FUCKING HATES ME NOW  
 **Tetsu:** SO THANKS FOR THAT

**Kei:** anytime  
 **Kei:** _your-reward.png_

**Tetsu:** Keiji and Ko are gonna have a big surprise waiting for them when they open the chat in the morning


	7. ELDERS/WILD BUTT SIGHTING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koutarou: Say no more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is PG-13 for sure lol proceed w caution i guess
> 
> we get 2 different chats bc otherwise it would be too short lol. please continue to enjoy this ridiculousness

**ELDERS**

**Tetsurou:** Hey guys I ran into Kei this afternoon and he seemed really down.

**Keiji:** I noticed that something seemed off last night, but he kept shutting me down

**Koutarou:** Oh, we talked last night during our late night snack

**Koutarou:** Apparently Akiteru and his gf are having major problems

**Koutarou:** And he’s been really sad 

**Koutarou:** So that’s been stressing him out alot

**Tetsurou:** Oh Kei. Does Akiteru need a place 2 stay? We have a guest futon and a couch

**Koutarou:** Idk. 

**Keiji:** I wish Kei wouldn’t feel so hesitant to open up to us

**Keiji:** I know he knows that we love him and want to support him, but then he goes and suffers alone 

**Tetsurou:** He’s just a generally private person

**Tetsurou:** Still getting used to sharing his life with other ppl

**Koutarou:** Anyone got an idea to cheer him up?

**Koutarou:** So he knows we’re always here for him?

**Tetsurou:** Well, he does make a daily stop at that coffee place around 2

**Keiji:** Tetsu and I have class, but...

**Koutarou:** Say no more

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**WILD BUTT SIGHTING**

**Koutarou:** ASS SIGHTED I REPEAT 

**Koutarou:** ASS SIGHTED

**Koutarou:** _ [see attachment] _

**Tetsurou:** And here we see an example of a wild ass. It truly is an amazing sight, friends!

**Keiji:** Yes sir, an impeccable ass right there

**Tetsurou:** We love to see it

**Koutarou:** _ [see attachment] _

**Tetsurou:** And here, ladies and gentlemen, we can see the owner of this ass buying his fourth iced coffee of the week! 

**Keiji:** A feat yet to be rivalled!

**Tetsurou:** But the question on everyone’s mind is

**Tetsurou:** Does the face match the ass?

**Kei:** what the actual fuck is that supposed to mean

**Tetsurou:** Kou? We’re counting on you for live footage.

**Koutarou:** _ [see attachment] _

**Tetsurou:** Oh folks, this is such a treat! 

**Tetsurou:** This wild ass belongs to a Tsukki! 

**Keiji:** Pro tip: you can always identify a Tsukki by a pert little ass and a matching scowl on its face

**Kei:** fuck this chat

**Kei:** why are you guys like this

**Tetsurou:** Bc we loooooooveeeee youuuuuuuu

**Keiji:** And that perky little ass of yours

**Tetsurou:** Kei?

**Kei:** gods what

**Tetsurou:** Will u let me put u in ur suit 2nite

**Tetsurou:** Maybe we could have a nice dinner on the living room floor

**Tetsurou:** And then ur boyfriends can take turns fucking u 

**Tetsurou:** You get to pick order

**Koutarou:** BAHAHAHA HIS FACE AT THOSE TEXTS

**Koutarou:** _ [see attachment] _

**Tetsurou:** I’ll take that as a yes

  
  
  
  
  
  


**ELDERS**

**Tetsurou:** We got Tsukki to open up AND all got a turn with him!!!!!??? I’m in cardiac arrest.

  
**Koutarou:** Best. Night. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature headcanons:   
> Bokuto is a super fuckin gentle lover with a praise kink  
> Akaashi is a kinky shit and incredible top  
> Kuroo never fuckin shuts up but also has a punishment kink  
> Kei can do incredible things with his mouth and likes to be pushed around ok bye love you all thnx for the support


	8. BOKUTO CHECK THIS CHAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei: sap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on true events! short and sappy and i love these dorks

**BOKUTO CHECK THIS CHAT**

**Tetsu:** We’re still on 4 brunch 2day, right?

**Tetsu:** It’s the 1st time I get to see u all of you since I came back we better still b on.

**Kei:** yeesh just give us a second to respond, will you? we decided on 11 right?

**Keiji:** Yup, meet you all at that bakery on 3rd? 

**Tetsu:** Yesssssssss

**Tetsu:** My train gets in soon i love you threeeeeee and can’t wait to see you!!!!!!

**Kou:** Hey uh I can’t make it

**Keiji:** Koutarou? What’s wrong?

**Kou:** Nothing I’m just busy

**Kei:** kou we’re not stupid.

**Kei:** tell us what’s up.

**Kou:** Seriously nothing it’s fine

**Tetsu:** Hey love, I thought we said we weren’t going to do this anymore, or did you forget? The plans GC is a loving and accepting place, and we just want to help. 

**Tetsu:** We love you so much.

**Kou:** I didn't forget, sorry.

**Kou:** I’m not in an okay headspace

**Kou:** I know that being with you guys would make me happy but my brain panicked and I really, really don’t want to go to brunch

**Keiji:** That’s okay Kou. Thank you for telling us

**Kei:** do you want to be alone?

**Kou:** It’s not that I just can’t go

**Tetsu:** Would it b ok if we brought brunch to you?

**Kei:** yeah just tell us what you want and we can eat it in the living room.

**Kou:** Would that be okay?

**Keiji:** Of course, we wouldn’t have suggested it if it wasn’t

**Kou:** Yeah. um that would be great. I love you Kei

**Kou:** I love you Keiji

**Kou:** I love you Tetsu and I’ve missed you this week

**Kou:** I’m sorry to ruin the plans

**Keiji:** We love you too Kou

**Keiji:** And you’re not ruining the chat, we would do anything for you

**Kou:** I’m sorry my brain is so stupid

**Tetsu:** I love that beautiful brain of yours, don’t be sorry

**Kei:** and this isn’t a big deal at all. your mental health is important.

**Kei:** i’d rather have food at home anyways as long as all of us can be there

**Kou:** (●´□`)♡

**Tetsu:** Love you too Kou!!! Just let us know what you want and we’ll bring it back! 

**Tetsu:** I’ve missed u all sm, can’t wait to see u3.

**Kei:** sap

**Tetsu:** Takes 1 to kno 1 (￣ェ￣;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so today my friends and i had plans for brunch and i suddenly got super weird and anxious and didn't feel okay going and when i was honest in the chat (wasn't in a great headspace to go out rather than making an excuse like i usually do) one of them hosted brunch on their porch and another brought the bagels and eggs and it was so nice and i appreciated it like freaking crazy. i don't deserve friends like this, and this chapter is so i don't forget about the wonderful things they do for me


	9. GENERAL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo: Man has a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change the rating of this fic because I always end their conversations dirty and honestly teens should not have to deal with the shit they pull in this gc. Also i might get explicit in future chapters. who knows. 
> 
> s/o to Bean who noticed that i haven't marked this fic as 'completed' on my tumblr masterlist and asked me not to give her false hope. not false anymore!

**GENERAL**

**Bokuto:** Okay like i don’t want you guys to freak out but i just saw the wildest thing???

**Kuroo:** Spill

 **Kuroo:** Also why does this chat still have our last names

**Akaashi:** This is the og chat. Like we literally made this just to annoy Kei before we were dating

**Tsukishima:** god you guys were annoying even in high school

**Kuroo:** O shiiiieet I didn’t know this still existed!?

 **Kuroo:** Also, rude!

**Akaashi:** It’s because it’s called General. Literally no one talks in this one

**Bokuto:** OK ya but like i didn’t know what other chat to put this in it doesn’t fit this situation is way too specific

**Akaashi:** It sounds like you saw another owl. We have an animal sighting gc for that, Kou. 

**Bokuto:** No it’s not an owl!!! It’s waay more confusing than an owl?

**Kuroo:** Well idk about you guys but I’m on pins and needles

**Bokuto:** Dude y?

**Tsukishima:** oh my god

**Akaashi:** The attention span of this chat, I swear. Kou, what did you see?

**Bokuto:** Oh ya!!

 **Bokuto:** I saw Sawamura and Sugawara from Tsukki’s team holding hands!!!!! On the train!!!!!!!

**Tsukishima:** kou they’ve been dating since high school

**Bokuto:** They what!!!!?????

**Kuroo:** Yeah dude remember when I tried to get with Sawamura but he was being all weird about it?

**Bokuto:** Right bc he wasn’t gay?

**Kuroo:** No that’s what we thought but it was really because he was secretly dating Sugawara at the time

**Tsukishima:** you tried to get with daichi??? gross

 **Tsukishima:** also i literally can’t believe you didnt know he was gay. daichi gave suga the grossest googoo eyes.

**Bokuto:** Googoo lol

**Kuroo:** i like a man with thick thighs, ok???? I expect no judgement in the club rn

**Akaashi:** Pfft Kuroo thought I was straight too. He doesn’t have a knack for that sort of thing.

**Kuroo:** My gaydar is shit, ok?????? I admit it!!!!!!!!! 

**Kuroo:** I’d appreciate it if you all didn’t come for me like this!!!!!!!!

**Bokuto:** Well he did ask out Daichi!! That’s gotta represent some kind of awareness right? 

**Kuroo:** Thank you Bo :’)

**Tsukishima** : ugh he’s like my dad. have some fucking respect.

 **Tsukishima:** but like why did you think he wasn’t gay?

**Kuroo:** Bc he wasn't interested!! Obviously he was either straight or taken

 **Kuroo:** Also gross, hes barely older than you

**Tsukishima:**...i think your sense of self-importance is very inflated, hon

**Kuroo:** Did you just call me hon? Did i just get a cutesy nickname from our Tsukki???

**Bokuto:** Aw man, I’m jealous :(

**Akaashi:** It was condescending, Kou.

**Bokuto:** Can you remind me what condescending means?

**Kuroo:** But anyways Sawamura and Sugawara are still together after all this time? Good for them!

**Tsukishima:** i think they got a place together recently

**Kuroo** : Ooooooo getting serious then

**Bokuto:** Aw man!! I’m jealous!!!

**Tsukishima:** ...bo. we literally live together.

**Bokuto:** well ya but like we lived together and then started dating, you know? they dated and then MOVED IN TOGETHER

**Tsukishima** : what?

**Akaashi** : But wait I kind of understand where Kou is coming from

 **Akaashi** : We never took that huge relationship step because we kind of did things backwards

**Kuroo** : ...do you guys /want/ that kind of big step? 

**Akaashi** : No, no this is fine

 **Akaashi:** It’s not like we can go back and change the way we got together

**Bokuto** : It’s just. We kind of missed some things I think by doing it all out of order

**Akaashi** : I wouldn’t trade it though. I love our unconventional love story

**Tsukishima** : we’re four dudes fucking in a consensual relationship i think we lost conventional a long time ago

**Kuroo** : Man has a point.

**Tsukishima:** like kuroo comes back to the apartment and tells all of us individually “honey im home”

**Kuroo:** Ok haha point made

**Tsukishima:** and then proceeds to get down on his knees in front of us

**Kuroo:** …

**Tsukishima:** like the whipped bitchboy he is

**Kuroo:** POINT MADE

**Tsukishima:** as he begs for forgiveness for being bad

**Kuroo:** FUCK KEI YOU KNOW I HAVE A MEETING IN A FEW

**Bokuto:** You’d better hurry up with that proposal!!! 

**Akaashi:** You know what happens when you’re late for dinner :*

**Kuroo:** FUCK YOU ALL

**Akaashi:** Don’t worry, you will ;) 

**Kuroo:**

****

**Akaashi:** Save it for the memes chat, love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Kuroo doesn't have a punishment kink I'll eat my fucking shorts


	10. WILD BUTT SIGHTING 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji: unfollowed.

**WILD BUTT SIGHTING**

  
  
  


**Koutarou:** Hey cuties check out this ass: 

_ [see attachment]  _

**Tetsurou:** TWLL ME HE DIDNT

**Keiji:** I am looking 👀

**Tetsurou:** Respectfully?

**Keiji:** Give me a minute.

**Koutarou:** _ [see attachment] _

**Tetsurou:** Keiiiiii baby your ass is so fucking cute!!!!!!!! I must have saved the pope from being shot or something in a past life 

**Keiji:** Can you imagine...if he was wearing those slacks…right now.

**Kei:** stop being weird you simps

**Tetusurou:** HE USED TEXTSPEAK

**Kei:** simp is not textspeak. it's slang.

**Koutarou:** But Kei!!!! Ur cute lil butt!!!

**Kei:** stop bothering me on campus

**Koutarou:** :'(

**Kei:** amendment: stop taking unsolicited ass pics of me on campus 

**Koutarou:** >:)

**Keiji:** I apologize but if being a "simp" means that I can openly ogle your ass, you may now call me Head Simp.

**Kei:** this chat is the stuff of nightmares why did we start it again?

**Keiji:** Because we were gassing Tetsu up before that one meeting he had to go to and Kou started taking unsolicited but appreciated ass pics

**Kei:** that was so long ago

**Tetsurou:** Yeah you were like a fetus

**Koutarou:** Ew haha you make it sound like we were dating a baby. Kinda nasty dude lol

**Kei:** do you want to reconsider your wording?

**Tetsurou:** Nah I'm good

**Keiji:** Am I on dishes tonight?

**Kei:** subtle, keiji

**Keiji:** You're welcome.

**Koutarou:** Keiji don't you make the schedule??? 

**Keiji:** Yes. I wasn't asking because I don't know, I'm just confirming because I wanted to ask about our dish soap situation. I can grab some on the way home.

**Tetsurou:** Don't worry bb I already bought some! And I did the dishes, no worries 👍

**Keiji:** What is this feeling?

**Keiji:** My jaw...it hurts…

**Kei:** fucking hell tetsu look what you've done

**Tetsurou:** What??? Keiji are you okay?? Why does your jaw hurt?

**Keiji:** Oh wait...it must be phantom pains from the future

**Tetsurou:** What??

**Koutarou:** Ok wowie even I get this one

**Tetsurou:** I'm srs guys wtf are you talking about

**Tetsurou:** Keiji if ur feeling jaw pain that's not good

**Kei:** Tetsu….reread the fucking messages

**Tetsurou:** I fucking did what do u want from me?

**Tetsurou:** Oh

**Tetsurou:** Ooooooooohhhhhhhh

**Tetsurou:** 😈 I will gladly accept ur gratitude

**Kei:** you all are always so horny on main

**Tetsurou:** The fuck does that mean

**Kei:** ….seriously? you literally SCREAM tumblr vibes i cannot believe you’ve never had a tumblr

**Tetsurou:** Lmao i was weird but i wasn’t that weird

**Keiji:** Shots: Fired.

Offense: Taken.

Sex: Witheld.

Bitch: Bye.

**Koutarou:** LMAO yea Tetsu Keiji was a big tumblrerer back in the day

**Koutarou:** He had a really pretty one. It had hydraulics

**Kei:** ...hydraulics?

**Keiji:** Kou, you mean ‘aesthetics’

**Koutarou:** Oh yea that

**Kei:** that’s a fucking talent, Keiji

**Tetsurou:** Keiji bb i’m so sorry but ur fuckin weird babe. That site was fucking cursed.

**Keiji:** Was it a hellsite? Yes. Was it our hellsite? Also yes. 

**Tetsurou:** Wait so back to the question: what is horny on main

**Kei:** do we tell him?

**Keiji:** Google it yourself

**Tetsurou:** Y do u guys hate me omg now I’m suffering on main

**Keiji:** unfollowed

**Kei:** blocked

**Koutarou:** reported.

**Tetsurou:** Kou you too??????!!!!

**Koutarou:** I wanted to feel included :(

**Tetsurou:** At the expense of excluding me? :(

**Koutarou:** Eat or be eaten baby

**Kei:** they grow up so fast

**Keiji:** :’)

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I'm an Akaashi stan? I'm an Akaashi stan. Also Kuroo reminds me a lot of one of my friends which is why he is the butt of absolutely every single joke and I can't even be sorry about it. We all know he's a good sport.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you enjoyed this, i respond to all comments :) my [tumblr](https://lessons-from-moths.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/FromMoths)


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